pklove:

It’s 1:47 am.  I can’t sleep.  For the past two weeks I have been constantly thinking about you Wesley.  I can’t seem to get you off of my mind.  Two weeks ago, I was sitting on my couch after watching an episode of Grey’s and found myself randomly, literally, crying my eyes out.  I was so confused as to why all the water works were happening - Grey’s was sad but it wasn’t that sad.  And it just dawned on me tonight, what had happened a little over a year ago.

To be frankly honest, exactly a year ago from today was probably when I told myself to let you and all that has ever happened go.  I still mourn over your death.

I miss you.  I miss you, a lot.  You don’t understand how hard it has been for me - to drive pass the hill you use to live up on.  I have to travel that road almost daily.  It makes me think of you; and when I think of you, I tell myself to stop.

A year ago, I was laying on the cream carpet in your empty bedroom with Dean and Ed.  We cried.  We laughed.  We cried.  We talked about your coconut scented candle and how your carpet still smelled like it.

There are so many things that remind me of you.  Barney- every time I see him, even if he’s not playing his Barney character on another show, like the other night he made an appearance on Glee… I totally thought of you.  I thought of How I Met Your Mother.  I thought of Lina.  I thought of her yelling at me.  I thought of you again.  I thought of your funeral.  I thought of you.  I thought of Caroline. Chanel. Your mom. Dean. Your roommates, brothers… and I thought of Sara and how we got lost trying to find the church where your service was being held.  You probably thought it was funny.  We drove around Rockingham, lost, upset, panicking, laughing and crying.

I miss you.  And your re-enactments of Price is Right wave number one and Price is Right wave number two.  You are forever engraved in my heart.  A year ago, like this photo, my life turned upside down.  I love and miss you Wesley. Very much so.